Recap by S_D

QUICK REFERENCE:
Eric Bischoff\HHH\Ric Flair Interview
Bubba Ray Dudley\HHH Promo
Bubba Ray Dudley & Trish Stratus vs. Christopher Nowinski & Molly Holly
UnAmericans Promo
Eric Bischoff\Terri\Stacy Keibler Promo
Chris Jericho\Ric Flair Promo
Booker T. vs. William Regal
Shawn Michaels Interview
Ric Flair vs. Triple H
Eric Bischoff\Big Show Promo
Kane vs. Lance Storm & Christian
The Big Show vs. Tommy Dreamer
Eric Bischoff\HHH\Chris Jericho Promo
Jeff Hardy vs. Crash Holly
Terri vs. Stacy Keibler
Rob Van Dam & Ric Flair vs. Triple H & Chris Jericho
=============================
ACTUAL RECAP

Let's get to it

WWE RAW - September 2, 2002

LIVE from Milwaukee, Wisconsin @ the Bradley Center

Your hosts are cheap rip-offs of Andy Griffith & Al Goldstein

TONIGHT ON RAW: We got Y2J vs. RVD for the Intercontinental Title and the first interview since SummerSlam with Shawn Michaels. So, it’s Y2J vs. RVD? Watcha gonna do when Scott Batura’s PW Torch Feedback runs wild all over YOU?

Well he’s back *drum beat* and as normal as ever. Of course, it’s Uncle Eric, except this time he has a Halliburton briefcase that he obviously stole from Mongo McMichael’s mental hospital locker. He comes out states that since Brock Lesnar is now exclusive to SmackDown!, that all the RAW fans are being gypped out of having a world champion. RAW has fans? Holy crap, call 1Popup. Great, so now we know what’s in that briefcase. He says that the first RAW World Champion will be the man who truly became #1 contender last week…Triple H. Oh GREAT. HHH is now getting titles HANDED to him. This is just getting ridiculous. By the way, this is the 4th straight week that HHH has dressed like the old OLD HHH. Whatever happened to the jeans and the leather jacket? Anyways, Eric opens the briefcase and presents him with the old WCW Title, furthering RAW’s transformation into Nitro. But judging from this HHH diatribe, make that Nyquill. HHH then proceeds to completely bury Brock Lesnar like a true team player. Hey, why is it that HHH hates people playing video games yet he calls himself “The Game”? He shows us more of that team player attitude by saying that NO ONE should be World Champion but him, which brings out the 16 time jobber Ric Flair. Flair cuts a classic promo about “paying the price” and says that he never had a title handed to him. Oh yeah? Then what did Nash do on Nitro to you in April 2000? Ohhh, he said in a briefcase. Nevermind, my bad, DAWG. So, looks like we’ve got our main event tonight. HHH then punches him in the face and walks off, just because he can (because he does the head writer the night before RAW every week.)

We come back to see…HHH AGAIN walking around backstage with his new World Title. He is congratulated by Heat superstars (…) Steven Richards and Johnny Stamboli. Speaking of which, when does Heat and Velocity get THEIR own World Champions? Bubba Ray Dudley bumps into HHH and HHH goes nuts of course because he’s obsessive compulsive. Bubba cuts a great promo about how Lesnar left with the thing that all the RAW superstars slaved over. And now, HHH has the new goal. All this while HHH is smirking. Bubba threatens to punch the smirk off his face. Good promo by Bubba, but he directed it towards HHH, so by this logic expect Bubba to never go near a microphone again and become a Heat jobber. Yes, HHH is THAT paranoid.

Match #1:
Inter-gender Table Match
Bubba Ray Dudley & Trish Stratus vs. Christopher Nowinski & Molly Holly
REFEREE: Jack Doan
Before the match, Nowinski claims that he will celebrate his victory by “busting Molly’s hymen.” Oh jeez, does Vince really think the kids talk like this? Even Lawler (acted like he) had no idea what a hymen was. Total goof stuff there. Match was your typical inter-gender match, which means it’s crap. They did the granny-panties spot, which is completely moronic because last week anyone who had a pair of eyes could easily see that Molly was wearing a thong. Then Trish moons Molly and we get some of that WCW production value, which had more of an impact on the WWE than the wrestlers did, as we only see the front of Trish while she’s doing it. They do the heel falls into other heel’s crotch spot, with Nowinski falling into Molly. Nowinski gets up and then high fives Bubba, which is beyond stupid because Bubba owns him then. Nowinski later goes crashing through a table attempting to splash Stratus. Match goes home when Bubba powerbombs a thongless Molly through the table. More of the same from this un-interesting feud.
winners: Bubba & Trish

We go to the UnAmericans where we see that Test still needs to satisfy his pyromania on the flag. Great, as if last week didn’t turn everyone off enough.

Terri, Stacy, and Bischoff are standing in his office and they announce that tonight will be the first ever “Eric Bischoff Lingerie Pillow-Fight Match”. Oh Lord, I’m cringing at the thought of this already. I bet Stacy’s parents are REAL proud.

Chris Jericho whines and complains that HHH holds him down so much that he gives Flair the first title shot instead of him. The man’s gotta point fellas.

Match #2:
Booker T. vs. William Regal
REFEREE: Nick Patrick
What’s the point of this match? … Good answer. THERE IS NONE. These guys don’t even look like they are trying, and rightfully so. Booker’s stuff doesn’t even look believable and both guys phone it in for the Booker Ax Kick to finish. Booker then does a Spinnaroonie to satisfy everyone who didn’t fall asleep.
winner: Booker T.

Now it’s time for the Shawn Michaels’ interview. He’s wearing a shirt that says “The Power Of God Will Knock Your Socks Off”. I guess in HBK’s case, the Power Of God will knock you off and put you in a wheel chair by someone who J.R. says will “rot in hell for what he done tonight”. I love irony. HBK says he’ll “walk again”. Good grief, how do people like Darren Drozdov watch this crap? HBK says that HHH shouldn’t hunt what he can’t kill and then pulls up Sledgie’s evil twin, complete with evil goatee, to make the crowd go “ooooooh.” I guess HBK’s not done wrestling.

Match #3:
World Heavyweight Title Match
Triple H vs. Ric Flair
REFEREE: Charles Robinson
This is supposedly the first time these two have ever fought, but if you watched the HHH video “Triple H: The Game,” you’ll see they fought while HHH was a jobber in WCW. Man, I love being smarter than the moronic writing team. Match is typical, nothing to write home about and HHH gets the win after a low blow followed by The Glass Ceiling (aka The Pedigree) for the win and his first successful title defense. That match was as interesting as his title win… Jericho comes out to beat on Flair come more because Jericho WAS COUNTING on Flair to show up his backstage suppressor and he’s mad! RVD comes out and fights with Jericho in attempts to get Jericho off Flair, BUT WAIT A MINUTE! HE BUMPED INTO HHH! And, sure enough, HHH goes ape just like the HGH makes him look and attacks RVD, remember because HHH has got that obsessive compulsive crap going on and WON’T BE BUMPED. That’s a double entendre their…HHH won’t bump…ok screw it. RVD gets the upper hand and kicks HHH out of the ring, which means at some point later, HHH will totally destroy RVD, put him through 56 tables, beat him 315 times, and then say, “Oh wait, you’re not Chris Jericho. DAMN IT.”
winner: HHH

Eric is seen talking with someone backstage and it’s…The Big Show. Good Lord, FIRE Rosie & Jamal, they couldn’t even put him out for ONE WEEK? Oh well, Big Show cries about how he wasn’t given the shot at the World’s Heavyweight Title. Hey Wight, losing 7,000 pounds would be a good start. Bischoff tells Show to impress him in his match with Tommy Dreamer and he’ll think about it. Big Show vs. Dreamer? Ugh, poor guy. I mean Dreamer. In the meanwhile, Eric gets a phone call and it says that someone on his roster is jumping for Smackdown to be with a family member. RAW is breathing on life support when it comes to having big names and they are STILL shipping people to SmackDown!? Good God…

Match #4:
Handicap Match
Kane vs. Lance Storm & Christian
REFEREE: Jack Doan
This is Kane’s first match back since he was attacked by the nWo 4 months ago and had his mask stolen by X-Pac. Wow, do you remember the nWo? Me neither. But X-Pac is fired! HORRAY! Anyways, this is your typical Handicap Match. Heel miscommunication involves Lance accidentally super kicking Christian out of the ring, which leads to Kane choke slamming Lance to get the duke. Wow, what does it say about your Tag Team Champions when ONE PERSON can beat them? Test comes out, attacks Kane and then is about to torch the flag until BRADSHAW comes out to make the save. I heard a collective groan from the crowd in Milwaukee did as well. Bradshaw starts swinging the flag when Kane’s pyro goes off, and the flag came THAT CLOSE to hitting the pyro. I wish it did hit it, then Bradshaw would get assassinated and then presto! No more failed Bradshaw pushes! Speaking of “Do You Remember…”, Remember when Bradshaw was pushed as a main-eventer on RAW with Steve Austin against the nWo? No wonder Austin thought the writing team was full of crap.
winner: Kane

Match #5:
The Big Show vs. Tommy Dreamer
REFEREE: Brian Hebner
This is typical Big Show crap until about two minutes in. Big Show brings a chair in the ring and then Dreamer SNAPS and totally beats the living lard out of the Big Show with the steel chair 50,000 times, which triggers the DQ. Massive E C DUB chant arises with Dreamer leaving with a sadistic smile on his face knowing that he put the same look on everyone else’s face when he did what he did. By the way, this RAW and the last RAW have been butt-quality, yet Dreamer has been in the good parts in both shows. WAKE UP WRITING TEAM. That’s no coincidence.
winner: Big Slob by DQ

HHH is on T.V. again in what totals to be segment #851,029 tonight for him as he gripes to Bischoff about RVD. Ever wondered if HHH was a fan of the penis? Let’s quote HHH here. “I want RVD’s ass.” “Screw Chris Jericho!” Oh yeah, no wonder this guy was so gung-ho for Chyna, pre-surgery. Bischoff’s response, “I can’t screw Chris Jericho,” was sure funny when you look at Jericho’s WCW career. Jericho protests, saying that his match with RVD was already signed and announced. He then goes into “I can’t stand this political jerk” mode, as he rips on HHH saying that when he became Undisputed Champion, he beat two guys in one night and didn’t have it handed to him “in some lame cheeseball ceremony.” Bischoff flips out and loses all control over his words and then changes the RVD\Y2J match to a tag match with RVD & Flair vs. HHH & Jericho. Jesus H. Christ, as if this show wasn’t bad enough. HHH in ANOTHER MATCH? Give me a gun, NOW.

Match #6:
Jeff Hardy vs. Crash Holly
REFEREE: Charles Robinson
WHAT? Since when is Heat superstar Crash Holly allowed on RAW? Before the match can get started, Bischoff comes out and says that he knows Jeff Hardy is the one jumping to SmackDown! so he can settle the score with his brother Matt. Bischoff then says Jeff should have given him at least 3 MINUTES notice, and that cues the Samoan Gang of Evil Lard to come out and totally destroy Jeff Hardy. When are these guys ever going to WRESTLE? IN A MATCH? Wait, Crash yanks the mic from Bischoff and says that it’s not Jeff jumping to SmackDown! It’s HIM! HOLY CRAP, YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. THIS IS THE BIGGEST ANNOUNCEMENT EVER! Screw Da-Met and his sarcasm, I’m better. Like anyone gives a flying Glass Ceiling (this IS a HHH themed RAW, remember) about Crash. He’ll be a good addition to the CW division though.
no-contest

Match #7:
Lingerie Pillow Fight
Terri vs. Stacy Keibler
REFEREE: Jerry Lawler
This match already looks brutal, just by the ring setup. Seriously, what the heck was Stephanie smoking when she wrote this show, besides HHH’s penis? Great, so…it’s LEGS vs. RIBS with SHRIVELED DICK as the referee in the LAMEST gimmick match THIS SIDE of Judy Bagwell on a Forklift. Yeah, this is gonna get back those 3 million viewers that you lost. This match is TOTAL CRAP, Lawler doing live commentary doesn’t help. This match wasn’t even two minutes, yet it was still 45 minutes too long. I have no idea how, but it’s not my fault. I don't even remember the freakin finish to this match. And NO, I was NOT masturbating. Lawler's voice and Terri's McRib Sandwhich totally provides me with 100% bonerkill. Stacy then pulls out a gimmick that Tommy Dreamer never got to use during his “I’m a disgusting idiot” faze and gives Terri McRibs the ol’ tar and feather treatment. Worst segment on RAW in a long time.
winner: Terri

Match #8:
Rob Van Dam & Ric Flair vs. Triple H & Chris Jericho
REFEREE: Earl Hebner
Triple H & Chris Jericho being on a team is the biggest inside joke ever. Typical tag match. Finish comes when HHH brings in his World Heavyweight Title (yes, I am going to type it out long like that because SOMEONE should at least give that belt some respect if WWE and company is going to allow HHH to keep them from doing it themselves), however RVD turns the tide and Van Daminates the belt in HHH’s face and then hits the ***** Frog Splash for the big 1-2-3 on HHH as the crowd erupts. Hmmm, that means RVD is getting his I-C Title booty destroyed at Unforgiven. After this match, WWE.Com, which is run by a family of freaking primates remember, posted that RVD had won HHH’s World Heavyweight Title in this TAG TEAM MATCH. Screw them, WE'RE #1. YEAHHHHHH.
winners: Flair & RVD

Match by Match:
-- Bubba Ray Dudley & Trish Stratus defeated Christopher Nowinski & Molly Holly
-- Booker T. defeated William Regal
-- Triple H defeated Ric Flair
-- Kane defeated Lance Storm & Christian
-- The Big Show defeated Tommy Dreamer by DQ
-- Jeff Hardy went no-contest with Crash Holly
-- Terri defeated Stacy Keibler
-- Rob Van Dam & Ric Flair defeated Triple H & Chris Jericho

This show, much like last week, was utter crap and WWE should be ashamed of themselves putting on such garbage two Monday's straight after such a great PPV. If you noticed I used the word "typical" alot, I did it on purpose. I would usually be looking forward to SmackDown!, but now Undertaker is stinking it up while holding back everyone (and who says he's not a versatile wrestler!), so the SD! buzz is finally killed for me. Excuse me while I go DRINK POISON.

S_D, EFNet #Wrestling

©2002, WrestlingDB

Last Edited: Thursday, September 5th, 2002 - 05:20 pm EDT