Opinion by BoomBaBa

MOMMY, WHY ARE THE WRESTLERS KISSING?

By BoomBaBa

Well, by now the big Billy and Chuck wedding has taken place at the WWE Smackdown taping (I have not read spoilers so I have no idea what happened). I have heard all sorts of reasons why this angle shouldn't be played out, from "I don't want to see fags in wrestling" to "How do I explain that to my kids?" I, on the other hand, am happy to see this angle play out the way it has. Extremely happy. Monstrously happy. And I will deny myself all spoilers and watch this wedding as it happens with anticipation, and maybe even a slight boner.

Let's get this out of the way quickly: I am not gay, dammit! I am happily married to a woman. So why does a very straight man, a ladies magnet if you will, enjoy this angle so much? Redemption for those who have gone before, pure and simple.

From the days of Gorgeous George (the real one, not Macho Man's WCW bimbette) to the present day, straight guys portraying gay wrestlers have never been able to admit it. Sure, they could flounce around and have pretty hair and spray perfume and wear dresses, but they better not dare say they're (gasp!) homosexual. Now I wouldn't necessarily want a gay guy taking my boys on a camping trip, but really, who the hell is it hurting if a wrestler proclaims his homosexuality in the ring? Who says you're doing that well with your own life to be telling someone else how to run his? Besides, he's not going to hit on you or me (well, not you, but I'm pretty cute), so why worry about it?

The last major gay angle was done in WCW with Lenny Lane and Lodi. Merely for doing what they were told at WCW, Turner Broadcasting demanded that they be removed from the air and proclaimed, "Lenny and Lodi will never be on another WCW broadcast ever." How fucked up is that? Straight guys getting fired and blacklisted for pretending to be gay on the orders of their bosses. They should have sued. And let's not forget what happened to Adrian Adonis when his character "turned gay" (well, actually he died in a car accident and gayness didn't really have anything to do with it, but I thought Adonis was hilarious so I wanted to work him in somehow).
There are gay people in all walks of life. As some of them like to shout in parades where they dance naked down the street holding their lovers on a leash, "They're here, they're queer, get used to it." Pretending they're not there is not going to make them go away. Neither is trying to hide the kids from it. Believe me, the kids already know about it. But have a little faith in your children. They are not going to turn gay simply from knowing gay people exist. Besides, if you're worried about your kids being exposed to it, turn your damn TV off, idiot!

In a sporting exhibition where the participants shave their bodies, grease themselves up, wear colorful, form-fitting tights, scoop each other up by the nutsack, put their faces up each other's asses, and pull each other's pants down to reveal their thongs, I would think homosexuality would be the least bothersome aspect. But I guess the guys who cringe at Billy and Chuck getting married don't mind guys touching each other's balls as long as it's followed up by a power move. How very manly!

Is it a big WWE publicity stunt? Are you brain-dead? Of course it is! But it's a publicity stunt dedicated to all the great straight wrestlers who played gay but weren't allowed to admit it. Maybe one day they'll even let real gay people play gay characters.

Now I will admit that I hated the "Hot Lesbian Action" angle on this week's Raw. Not because of the lesbians, but because I don't think it's entertaining to see two fat Samoans shootfight with two 120-pound girls. Actually, I don't think the Island Boys are the least bit entertaining in those idiotic segments they do anyway, but that's another subject.

So, in conclusion, I say let Bruce wear his Miss TNA crown with pride (you go, girl!), I say let lesbians fondle each other without getting broken ribs, and I say let Billy and Chuck have their fake gay TV wedding in peace. Tune in and wish them a lifetime of happiness, if not because of their fake gay wedding, because Billy is finally getting over for the first time in his career.