Recap by S_D

TAPED from Minneapolis, Minnesota @ The Target Center

Your hosts are the man who wishes he was in the gay wedding & that same man’s orange dildo.

TONIGHT: The match made in San Francisco with the wedding of Billy & Chuck, Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle,

Match #1
Non-Title Match
Hardcore Holly vs. Brock Lesnar
REFEREE: ????
2 weeks ago, Matt Hardy. Last week, Randy Orton. This Week? HARDCORE HOLLY??? AND HE’S CURTAIN JERKING??? Blow me. I didn’t see this match for not getting home in time, but I’m betting Lesnar won so we’ll go with it.
Winner: Brock Lesnar

Match #2
Eddie Guerrero & Chavo Guerrero vs. Edge & John Cena
REFEREE: Mike Chioda
The Guerreros? CHEAT TO WIN~! Cena is obviously dressed in yellow and purple as a tribute to WCW. What else could it mean? (snicker) Edge is dressed in…well, the usual. Eddie is rocking in this match. The backstory on this one is that Eddie is going to get revenge on Edge for shoving his head in Rikishi’s asshole. Eddie nails a frogsplash on Cena for the 1-2-3. Great match. Afterwords, The Guerreros beat down Edge, and Chavo yanks down his tights so that they can return the favor to Edge with a stinkface of their own. As if this show didn’t have enough gay overtones. Edge gets the upperhand and shoves Edge’s head in Chavo’s ass. Hmmm, let’s see. Gay weddings, and now forced gay incest? Haha, screw you PTC. Unlike RAW, this comedy is actually funny. Great match and great entertainment afterwords.
Winners: Eddie Guerrero & Chavo Guerrero

Backstage we see Eddie totally flipping out on Chavo. Chavo retaliates with “I WIPED! I WIPED!” Heh, get SmackDown!’s writers on RAW, pronto.

Mark Lloyd is backstage propositioning for gay sex to Undertaker. Apparently, UT brought Sara to the show. All of a sudden, Matt Hardy comes in the picture and congratulates UT on the pregnancy. UT then goes ballistic on Matt Hardy because, you know, it’s apparently not cool to be nice or something. And UT is a babyface? Whatever. Since we are on the pregnancy theme, I’ll just go on and say that UT was the abortion that accidentally made it.

Rico is on the phone trying to explain that this a fag marriage. He then enters and begs Stephanie to attend the wedding. HAH, Steph says she has had bad luck with weddings. Oh come on Steph, being drugged at your party wasn’t fun? Rico then totally flips out (what the hell, what’s with this the flip out segments?)

Kurt Angle comes out and talks crap about Minnesota and Rey. Apparently the What? crap is still not dead. Why the HELL don’t they edit the chants OUT? Angle threatens Benoit as the crowd erupts in a “Moose Uhck” chant. Oh wait, that wasn’t it. Oh well. Heh, direct quote, “Rey, you are a boy in a man’s world. And I love to play with little boys.” Oh but the fun isn’t done. “Rey, you are a boy and I am a man, and I can’t wait to manhandle you.” It’s STILL not done. “Rey, when we fight, I’m going to get on top of you…” Kurt Angle truly is the WWE’s current M.V.P. right now. Up next…

Match #3
Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio
REFEREE: Brian Hebner
Well, it’s the rematch from SummerSlam and that match was fantastic. Let’s see if they can match it, or better. QUIT CALLING THEM THROWS, YOU IDIOT COLE. They are called suuuuuuuuplexxxxxxxxxxes. Holy shit, this match RULES. Rey goes to the top rope, Angle runs up the ropes and does a TOP ROPE ANGLE SLAM for the 1-2-3. AWESOME match. Seriously, SmackDown! puts RAW to shame.
Winner: Kurt Angle

Black limo has arrived. Apparently it’s part of the “Wedding party”. Hmmm…

Match #4
Chris Benoit vs. Rikishi
REFEREE: Jimmy Korderas
Hmmm, Rikishi’s eyes are bloodshot. I wonder why…Match blows, but that’s because Rikishi sucks ass. Benoit gets ready for the Swandive when Angle runs out and knocks him off, cueing for the DQ. Angle and Rikishi sort of team up and Benoit gets it shoved in his face. Benoit is pissed. Angle is laughing. I am anxiously awaiting this feud, part 2.
Winner: Chris Benoit by DQ

Benoit is backstage complaining about the stinkface. Matt Hardy barges in, but everyone ignores him. Stephanie makes the match at Unforgiven, Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit. I drool. Matt demands a match with UT tonight and gets it. Well, that’s just great.

Rico comes out and apparently it’s time for the big fag wedding. Rico completely steals my gimmick by complaining about everything he sees. GO RICO~!

Stephanie McMahon comes out, and Rico gets this thing started. He has apparently stolen DDP’s old headset. Some girls sing, I get no boner. OH WAIT, they are singing it’s raining men. And HERE THEY COME. And we still get THE CHUCK DANCE~! They have matches waist thingies, just like their headbands. Wait, where the hell are Reverend D-Von and Funaki? Ok, ENOUGH OF THE DAMN SONG. WE GET IT, IT’S RAINING FAGS. The crowd boos, of course. Some old man with apparent Parkinson’s Disease is doing the ceremony. Heh, this shit is funny. Chuck says the first time he met him, Sean O’Haire sucked and he was Mr. Ass. Holy shit, Chuck is good at this fag stuff. Hmmm, well he WAS in the Navy…Rico presents us a video package of the crap. Da-Met was correct, this is entertaining in a goofy way. It’s better than any shit RAW puts on. The man asks if anyone objects to this wedding and someone does…THE GODFATHER W\ 5217 HOS. Hmmm, I seem to remember him turning heel on Jakked and saying he was done with this ho crap. Gotta love that WWE continuity. Godfather asks Billy why he turned into a fag. Godfather claims Chuck used to be into fat women. Great. Godfather asks what we all have been asking since last week, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? Rico puts his foot down. Man, Rico really is awesome. If he can break out from this silly crap, he’ll be awesome. Godfather finally comes to the conclusion that they can’t be converted and leaves. Billy is starting to look worried, heh. Rico gives him the look. Billy says yes…1 down one to go. Something’s up here. These guys are too worried. The fans are getting behind these guys. Rico seems too enthused about this. Billy and Chuck stop everything. HOLY SHIT, THEY’VE TURNED FACE. Billy says if he was gay, he sure as hell wouldn’t marry Chuck. IT WAS ALL A PUBLICITY STUNT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. THE OLD MAN WAS ERIC BISCHOFF IN MAKEUP! 3 MINUTES AND HERE COMES JAMAL AND ROSIE! RICO KICKS BILLY! IT’S A RAW InVasion! Rosie and Jamal beat the total shit out of Billy & Chuck. THEY THEN BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF STEPHANIE MCMAHON. THIS IS THE BEST SEGMENT EVER. The ass kicking has been stopped by half of the SmackDown! roster coming out. Holy FUCKING SHIT that has to be the most creative and just flat out ENTERTAINING THING WWE has done in a long time. Hopefully, this can kickstart something. Just to recap, this was all just a publicity stunt, Rico has apparently turned on Billy & Chuck and has joined Eric Bischoff and RAW. That segment was absolutely incredible.

Match #5
Torrie Wilson vs. Nidia
REFEREE: Mike Sparks
Hah. No one even cares about this match. I agree, it wasn’t bad though. Torrie gets the win with a neckbreaker.
Winner: Torrie Wilson

HEY! IT’S THE HORSEFACE SARA! She’s back! And she has dark hair this time. If only she’d get face surgery… UT leaves her in the locker room all by herself, which is nothing but trouble…or laughs.

Matt Hardy knocks on the door of Brock Lesnar and Lesnar and Heyman are apparently accompanying Matt to the ring.

Match #6
Matt Hardy vs. The Undertaker
REFEREE: Mike Chioda
Matt Hardy is now using the WWE Butt Rape song by Monster Magnet. Heyman goes nuts jumping on the apron and throwing a chair in the ring for some unexplained reason. Chioda throws out Heyman. Maybe Chioda secretly worked for ECW and never got paid or something. Lesnar beats up UT outside the ring. Chioda has now thrown out Lesnar. Matt Hardy’s allllllllllllllllllll alone. Bad edit job there as Lesnar is being seen thrown out and has completely disappeared after about 2 seconds. Well, Paul Heyman is seen going into UT’s locker room to talk to Sara. UT goes nuts and leaves the match. Yes…MATT HARDY HAS DEFEATED THE UNDERTAKER WHEREAS JEFF DIDN’T. FUCK YOU RAVER BOY! UT beats the hell out of Heyman, Brock nails UT with a chair, Brock eyes Sara’s fetus because he’s had no dinner yet, and we leave the air with the image of Undertaker going into labor.
Winner: Matt Hardy (by countout, but who gives a damn)

ALL IN ALL an absolutely TREMENDOUS show and the wedding angle had an absolutely AWESOME payoff that was sure to entertain unless you are a fag or a retard. SmackDown!’s writing team needs to cover ALL T.V. grounds and WWE-World would be a much better place. Thumbs WAY up for this show. Great wrestling, great entainment. It almost saddens me to know Monday is coming up because it’s going to serve as a huge buzzkill.

S_D, EFNet #Wrestling
EternalEnigma@cox.net
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