Recap by S_D

WWE RAW

September 16th, 2002

LIVE from Denver, Colorado @ The Pepsi Arena

Your hosts are J.R. & An old pedophile with black eyes

Hmmmm, if my mind serves me correctly, we are in the same arena in which Vince Russo & Eric Bischoff relaunched WCW into the ground on April 10, 2000. So, for tonight expect a show that has really big potential to go somewhere in the future, but then hideously fail and then for WWE to be sold to Ted Turner 11 months later.

Recap of the RAW InVasion on SmackDown!

We start RAW with Bischoff sitting on a stool in the ring with all the lights out and just a spotlight, giving all the fans in the arena the chance to jerk off without being caught. Bischoff says he didn’t come back to RAW alone. Bischoff introduces Rico as the newest member of RAW. Bischoff rewards Rico by making his RAW debut match against Ric Flair. Bischoff says he has a special evening planned. He reminds us of RVD and HHH’s match at Unforgiven. RVD and HHH will defend their championships against mystery opponents tonight. Bischoff says he’ll be damned if he lets himself be accused of producing boring, predictable television and says that he’ll leave it to SmackDown! And formally welcomes us to the RAW intro. Well, that was quite creative. Good foot to start the show on. Well, thank God we got no HLA threats.

Just when I think RAW’s got a hot start, World Heavyweight Champion The Glass Ceiling comes out to kill all the interest Bischoff generated. He takes his standard 9 minutes to walk down to the ring. HHH: “Everywhere I go I’ve heard the same damn thing” Some Fan: “YOU SUCK!” Nice crowd tonight. HHH talks about how everyone claims that he’s afraid of RVD. 2 minutes in and I’m already bored to hell. This is his standard “I’m awesome and (insert wrestler’s name here) is not in my league.” Get to the point, Mr. Ceiling. “I am Triple H!” No shit, sherlock. Before HHH can finish his boring catchphrase spiel, RVD thankfully breaks up the bore. But wait…RVD is gonna talk? Uh oh. This should be fun. RVD points out that HHH is seriously stressed out. Heh. Tells him to shake his negative energy. HAHAH. RVD rules. “I’m, uh, just amazing!” He says his anger is the fact that he is the World Heavyweight Champion. RVD admires the way that HHH spits his water. HAHAHA. Holy shit, RVD is almost burying HHH with his complete mockery of his water spitting entrance. This is awesome. HHH tells RVD he won’t ever amount to anything in the business. RVD says he’s found the source of HHH’s anger: his fans don’t cheer him because they are too busy chanting “Rob…Van…Dam”. HHH goes to kick RVD, but RVD catches his foot and spin kicks the hell out of his nose and leaves. This was quite easily RVD’s best promo ever, as he had me totally laughing my ass off (GRRRRRR). Too bad he’ll be getting his ass kicked at Unforgiven for it.

Footage of a women’s protest group are shown outside the arena from earlier today. Hmmm, maybe it’s really the referees on strike again in drag.

Match #1
Ric Flair vs. Rico
REFEREE: Charles Robinson
J.R. says that tomorrow, Flair won his first World Title 21 years ago defeating Dusty Rhodes. Rico is still using Billy & Chuck’s music, so…Rico is seriously gonna be a huge star one day. And Flair? Even at 53, he’s still THE man. Middle rope springboard kick allows us to see THE OLD MAN FLOP! Flair hits a nice delayed vertical suplex. Flair went to get the chair, but changed his mind and turns around for his head to meet Rico’s foot which allows Rico to get an upset 3 count! RICO PINS RIC FLAIR CLEAN! Now THAT’S how you build up somebody damn it. Kudos to Flair for not being a political bitch like HHH.
Winner: Rico

McRibs is with Booker T. talking about his upcoming match with Test. He said he hated test. Booker T. starts talking French, and I will NOT speculate. He talks about his was a dumbass in school and failed tests left and right.

Hmmm, they are playing Bodies. You know that song by the dead guy.

More footage of the women communists.

Match #2
Test vs. Booker T.
REFEREE: Nick Patrick
J.R. mentions Bradshaw’s injury. I mention my happiness. So, it’s the battle of the former WWE\WCW Tag Team Champs. Hooray. Wow, J.R. actually reverts to history and mentions Test and Booker’s former accomplishments. Folks, looks like RAW’s got it this week. Test is being really slow and plodding, much like his twin Kevin Nash. Thus, making the match blow. Axe kick and HERE IT COMES. SPINAROONIE~! Booker gets the surprise victory with the corner turnbuckle twisting sunset flip and gets the duke.
Winner: Booker T.

McRibs goes and finds Ric Flair and asks what his thoughts are on losing to Rico. HHH interrupts and calls him pathetic and tells him to go on and retire, astoundingly finding a way to bury Rico in the process. Nice job HHH, you bitch. Flair snaps and says the fact that HHH carries around the belt without earning it is what’s really pathetic and storms off. Please, let’s not pollute everything with The Glass Ceiling like 2 weeks ago.

The Coach is talking to the women protesters. The spokesperson says that the treatment of women is not pleasing to them, and they aren’t leaving until they speak to the general manager. Well, that should be a hoot.

Match #3
WWE World Tag Team Championship
Lance Storm & Christian vs. Bubba Ray & Spike Dudley
REFEREE: Earl Hebner
Bubba’s changed his pants to camo shorts. It’s ECW ring attire all over again. Lance is seen pulling a table out from under the ring. While the ref runs out of the ring to yell at Bubba Ray even though Lance pulled the table out, the UnOriginals double-team Spike. Bullshit chants erupt when the referee misses a tag between Spike and Bubba. WTF? Lawler talks about how the air press can cause regular attacks to harm you more? Maybe someone FINALLY gave Lawler a clue that being a horny idiot is not cool anymore. Spike plays the face-in-peril, while UnOriginals double team. Bubba finally gets the hot tag. Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb, but the ref is too busy attending to Spike who was double powerbombed over the top rope through a table. Bubba loses focus, and Christian gets the roll up for another fluke victory. Good match with great psychology.
Winners and STILL WWE Tag Champs: Lance Storm & Christian

Bischoff is talking to RVD’s opponent…Chris Jericho. Secutity man comes up and asks Bischoff what he wants him to do about the protestors. Bischoff then says, “I’ve got a few minutes.” So, it’s RVD vs. Jericho for the I-C Title and yet more woman brutality in mass proportions by fat samoans. I wonder what Scott Batura has to say about this.

Spike is laying on a strectcher moaning, which means Bubba is jacking him off off camera. HHH walks by and laughs at Spike’s dick, which is why they call him Spike of course.

Match #4
WWE Intercontinental Championship
Chris Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam
REFEREE: Charles Robinson
L. Garcia looking as hot as usual. J.R. breaks the news that if Bischoff meets with the protestors, then the 3 Way Women’s title match for later tonight with Molly vs. Trish vs. Victoria is postponed. What? No Molly? WHY? RVD’s been busted open hardway in the mouth. I love karma. RVD goes for the ***** and Jericho kicks the ref into the rops, knocking RVD off. Jericho goes into his mocking Hulk Hogan mode. Jericho yells at RVD, calls a spot, and then yells some more. Way to be discreet, Jericho. It does look funny when your mouth moves and you hear LOUD soft LOUD. Hah, J.R. calls HHH on the fact that he said RVD wasn’t championship material, yet he is I-C Champ. J.R. rules when he’s motivated. RVD goes up for the *****, HHH runs down and RVD jumps towards HHH, and he sickenly BOUNCES of the ground. Ick, that didn’t sound good. Jericho accidentally knocks HHH in the ring, RVD kicks him out, but Jericho recovers in time for Jericho to hit the Walls of Jericho on RVD and win his 5th Intercontinental Championship. Wow, he’s really moving DOWN the ladder. I guess the new term for the I-C Belt is “Glass Ceiling”. HHH comes back in and pedigree’s RVD for good measure, because we MUST steal Jericho’s heat!
Winner and NEW Intercontinental Champion: Chris Jericho

The protestors are put inside a room and they all applaud because they know they’re getting their ass kicked.

Jericho runs around like an idiot, doing his Austin imitation with his champagne. “Eric Bischoff, I told you I wouldn’t let you down!” How funny that is. Apparently at Jericho’s request, we now have Jericho vs. Flair at Unforgiven for the I-C Title.

WWE Desire crap for Jeff Hardy. Blah. So let me get this straight Jeff: Not a day has gone by that you don’t think that you’ve gotten tired or had nothing left? Is that why you requested time off after your feud with your brother bombed? Congratulations Jeff. You are the recipient of this show’s S_D “Fuck You” award.

The UnOriginals are backstage while Regal is the mouthpiece right now talking smack about Kane. The Canucks stare at him like mindless drones who forgot their lines all the while.

Kane is walking. Yeah, Lawler. This show has nothing boring on it!

Match #5
William Regal vs. Kane
REFEREE: Chad Patton
Regal and Kane blow a clothesline-over-the-top-rope spot less than 20 seconds into the match. Twice. Not good. Test runs in and the UnAmericans join, leading to the clusterfuck DQ finish. Bubba runs in. Booker and Gpldust follow. Ladies and gentlemen, due to illness, tonight the part of Bradshaw will be played by Bubba Ray Dudley. Booker grabs a mic. This “I hate America” crap is just getting stupid. Kill it and blow off the angle already. Folks, we got an 8 man tag match at Unforgiven. Well, crap.
Winner: Kane by DQ

Mr. security man comes in and tells the women’s group that Bischoff wants meet with them in the ring to give them a public forum. Oh man, I love knowing when things go 3Minutes too long. It gives me that warm, evil feeling inside. No wait. That’s just that damn cheese quesadilla.

Bischoff in the ring sarcastically talks about how much he respects women. Bischoff invites them out, and here they come. They are chanting I O DUB, I O DUB. Asshole chants follow. Heh, the woman blows her lines and laughs about it. She bitches out Bischoff for all he does involving women. I bitch him out for the Pillow match too. Bischoff calls them all lesbians and tells them to go for it. But Bischoff says they wont get 15 minutes of fame because he doesn’t have 15 minutes. However, he does have…a woman kick him in the nuts and the “women’s group” all scatter out of the ring, except for one. And that one rips off a wig and classes to reveal herself to be SmackDown! general manager Stephanie McMahon. Holy damn, they got me again. Steph says she had 3 minutes of her own, which prompts Billy Gunn and Chuck Palumbo to come out and beat the hell out of Bischoff and nail him with Code Red. The original 3Minutes come out, however, they also get their asses kicked by Gunn and Palumbo. Wow, 3Minutes reign of terror is over it seems. Steph, Gunn, and Palumbo flee the scene after their damage is done. Very well done segment once again, which totally caught me off guard.

We come back with Bischoff and 3Minutes in the ring. Bischoff says she will pay and he has an idea for Unforgiven. Bischoff says to have 3Minutes vs. Gunn & Palumbo. If Gunn & Palumbo win, Bischoff will kiss her ass in the middle of the ring. However, if 3Minutes win, Stephanie has to perform Hot Lesbian Action in the ring. Great, GREAT segment

Match #6
World Heavyweight Title Match
Triple H vs. Jeff Hardy
REFEREE: Earl Hebner
HHH’s opponent still hasn’t been announced by the way. “HHH has been all over RAW tonight.” You got that right J.R. RVD attacks HHH before the match. They both fight and referees come out to break it up. OMG, JOHNNY ACE AND FIT FINLAY. ROCK ON! RVD clocks HHH right in the head with his belt. We come back from a commercial and HHH has been busted open. And it turns out that ????? is……Jeff Hardy. So wait, why does Jeff Hardy get the shot before RVD since he lost the match last week? Blow me. Wow, J.R. mentions the past again when Jeff defeated HHH for the I-C Title. Hardy blows the rail clothesline spot. Good FUCKING Lord, Lawler just said “he may have shot his wad”. Holy damn, HHH almost broke his neck taking a top rope hurricanrana. Jeff Hardy totally misses a moonsault, but HHH sells it anyways. Hardy nails a swanton, but HHH puts his foot on the rope. HHH hits a sleeper that he killed Spike with last week, oh God. Please don’t let this be his new jobber killer finisher. God fucking damn it, that as a finisher is so LAME and uneventful. HHH wins. RVD is back AGAIN and Van Daminates the belt into HHH’s face and nails a ***** and we leave RAW with the view of RVD standing over HHH with the belt.
Winner and STILL World Champion: HHH

ALL IN ALL a fantastic show compared to the last couple weeks of utter crap. The segment with Steph\Gunn\Palumbo was very well done and a lot of the work was good, except for the 2 minute Kane\Regal mess. But despite that, very good show.

S_D, EFnet #Wrestling

©2002, WrestlingDB.

Last Edited: Monday, September 16th, 2002 - 11:27 pm EDT