Recap by S_D

Coming off the heels of an absolutely horrible PPV, a PPV that is on level with King Of The Ring as worst PPV of the year, we’ll see if watching The Undertaker get pelted with garbage after the show went off the air last night finally made something snap in the heads of the creative team, or if those morons still don’t have a clue that they’re idiots and continue to spiral the WWE back into the land of 2.* ratings. Either way, it’ll be fun to watch.

ANNOUNCED ON WWERAW.COM: Tonight we have Lance Storm & Christian defending the Tag Titles against Kane & Random Mystery Partner Generator, The 3 Way Women’s Title match that was supposed to take place last week with new champion Trish Stratus defending against Molly Holly and Victoria, we will have more on the Flair shining the glass ceiling’s ass with his lips angle, and what Eric Bischoff’s reaction to Stephanie not living up to her end of the deal last night will be. Maybe he’ll do the same thing a lot of people did after watching last night’s show: quit. Or maybe some more bait-and-switch HLA crap. But anyways, let’s pull a Ray Combs and jump right into it…

WWE RAW

September 23, 2002

LIVE from Anaheim, California @ The Arrowhead Pond

Your hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry “The Droopy Neck” Lawler

Match #1
WWE Women’s Championship
Trish Stratus vs. Victoria vs. Molly Holly
REFEREE: Charles Robinson
Starting the show with wrestling instead of a promo? Well, I bet HHH will run-in on this match. We find out tonight that The Union Underground will perform the RAW theme live tonight while the divas dance to it. Yes, it’s as idiotic as it sounds. Victoria has new, un-jobber like attire. J.R. acts as if anyone cares about the Women’s Title change on the PPV. Trish rakes a nice bump after Molly dumps her over the top rope. Excuse my Lawler-ism, but man I love Molly’s ass. Victoria hits a picture perfect moonsault except for the fact that she missed. Trish goes for a rollup, Molly reverses with a rollup, Molly and Victoria collide and Trish gets the rollup for the pin. Sure.
Winner and STILL Women’s Champion: Trish Stratus

We go backstage as another edition of At The Movies With Booker T. And Goldust as they play a tape of the bait-and-switch segment from last night’s Unforgiven in front of an audience of faggots, jobbers, and a mix of the two. For some reason, they seem to be cheering the fact that they got their general manager. “I haven’t seen anything that bad since Chris Jericho’s last Fozzy concert.” Goldust said it, not me. Goldust then presents everyone with a picture of Bischoff with his head replaced by Rikishi’s ass. Yeah, that’s hilarious. Rico then interrupts and claims he’s going to tell the teacher on them. Big Show then screws up by thinking the camera was off and says “That dude’s on crack.” How do I know this? Well, who else could have Big Show been talking about besides the person who wrote this retarded skit?

Bischoff is talking to an unidentified man and welcomes to RAW. Rico then pops in and freaks out about who Bischoff was talking too. This obviously is the big RAW debut of Perry Saturn. Rico then executes the narc on the guys for watching and laughing. Bischoff then says it’s time to put a stop to it.

Bischoff apparently meant business and he makes a b-line to the ring. Bischoff isn’t in the mood for the people to start going to the bathroom. He berates the RAW roster for not helping him in his attacks, unlike the SmackDown! roster helped Stephanie. Gee, any coincidence there? He says he got a call from Vince McMahon and says he’s frozen all the contracts and no one can “jump”, there can only be official trades. He says he cut some deals before the deadline. At least they are trying the brand extension. Bischoff is trying to avoid the retarded Whats and he succeeds. Bischoff demands Booker T. get his ass out to the ring now. And here he comes. Bischoff imitates Booker (WHAT’S UP DAWG). Booker then answers Bischoff’s question with some of that French he was talking about last week. Booker T. chants start. Booker apologizes and asks Bischoff if after last night if HLA’s meaning changes to Huge Lumpy Ass. Booker T.’s got the crowd in his hands. Bischoff goes ubercrazy. Bischoff says he’ll show him some respect and he’s only got 3 MINUTES to show it. Booker takes care of the Timex Watches and Rico as well. 3 Minutes get the upper hand again, but then Goldust comes out to even it up. Rico then jumps back in to make it uneven again and then they decimate the older version of Goldust. Looks like Rico is the new stylist of the Watches. Good segment. I can forgive the earlier skit now. After all HHH, wasn’t in it.

Bischoff, The Watches, and Rico celebrate. Bischoff says both of them will be in singles matches. Rico volunteers and says that it’s gonna Rico vs. Booker T. Jericho then pops in and complains about Goldust’s comments. Bischoff says Jericho will defend the I-C Title agains Goldust. Everyone leaves and Jericho feels like crap because he realizes his title is on the line. But do you think HHH cares? Naw!

Match #2
Jeff Hardy vs. The Big Show
REFEREE: Nick Patrick
Any bets on the number of spots Hardy will botch tonight? Jeez, Jeff took a long fall on top of the top rope from a release suplex. Poor homo. Man, I don’t know who’s trying less here. Jeff hits the Swanton, and Big Show kicks out. Big Show dominates Hardy, I fall asleep. BORRRRRRING. Chokeslam gets the 3 count. Absolute garbage. Apparently “That dude’s on crack” applies to whoever booked this match.
Winner: Big Show

Recap of the Tommy Dreamer and Chris Nowinski scuffle from 2 weeks ago. We then cut to Nowinski who’s standing in a classroom. He has challenged Tommy Dreamer to show up in the class room. What’s he going to do? Speed read him to death? I guess the WWE felt the need to recapture the magic that was Dean Douglas. Hmmm, also, it seems like Nowinski gave up on Molly. Or better yet, the writers gave up on it. Chalk up failure #598473 for Stephanie.

We see Kane and his bald spot doing pushups.

Tommy Dreamer shows up and the brawl starts. DREAMER HEAD FIRST INTO THE WORLD MAP! Dreamer drops a bookcase on Nowinski. Dreamer propels Nowinski’s head into the ceiling. Nowinski spears Dreamer into the bookcase. HAH. HARVARD123 DREAMER. Dreamer hits a low blow and shatters the damn chalkboard on his head. Dreamer nails Nowinski with a Singapore can RIGHT ACROSS THE TUMOR! Well, that was fun and a good excuse to get rid of Nowinski while he has his tumor removed. At least they didn’t just have him disappear with no reason.

Up next, J.R. will be in the ring interviewing the newest member of RAW. Mean Gene did it better.

Match #3
Steven Richards vs. Randy Orton
REFEREE: Jack Doan
Uhh, I thought J.R. said he was next? Oh well. Well, he is in there now that Steven is out. Introduces new RAW member…Randy Orton. Well, this guy got a good match out of UT, so I’m up for it. At least this wasn’t built up to unbelievable proportions or anything. Steven Richards blows an armdrag. Only the 2nd third generation wrestler in the company? Uhh, what about Chavo Guerrero? Oh yeah, but I guess he doesn’t matter because he’s worked for WCW before. Glad to see J.R. really putting over both of these guys. And hey! 45 minutes in and NO HHH! Richards performs a very nice variation of camel clutch. Good match so far, but the blown armdrag subtracts some points. Orton hits GREAT variation of a backbreaker. Crowd seems bored, but screw them, I’m not. Richards superkicks the crap out of Orton. Orton hits a great crossbody for the 3 count. Works for me. They just need to back off on putting him over like the 2nd coming of Jesus.
Winner: Randy Orton

Uh oh, it’s the Nature Boy and he’s stylin and profilin.

Oh great, it’s time for the RAW theme by Jeff Hardy fanatics. I’m already bored to hell. This is moronic. And oh great, Dog Shit Face Jacqueline is on T.V. Amd hey! So is McRibs! It’s now 150% crap. The crowd is silent. COME ON, 3 MINUTES PLEASE. Keep the camera on Stacy instead of the singer with the receding hairline. Well, TNN ain’t gonna like the fact that the receding hairline man is saying the F-World. WHERE WERE THE MID-SONG TEST CHANTS? Blow me. That sucked ass.

Here comes Ric Flair to save it all thank God. And I’m afraid that this begins the hour of the glass ceiling. Flair said HHH made him realize how much he sucked and all this crap, because HHH RULES, DON’T YA KNOW. Didn’t Flair cut this exact same promo about “trying to be the crowd favorite” when he turned on Austin back in May? This is HHH asskissing segment. Yeah, look at him now. A man who is hated equally by marks, smarks, and his fellow wrestlers. Flair says he’s gonna to take HHH to the next level. Is the next level, “The Steel Ceiling”? Flair says he’s gonna teach HHH the trick to keeping the World Heavyweight Title as long as he can. Hey Flair, HHH already figured it out, it’s called “fucking the head writer.” This cues RVD, and HHH comes out to attack a storming RVD. Flair and HHH double team RVD and his taped up ribs. HHH gets in RVD’s face and says “YOU CAN’T WIN BECAUSE I DO THE WRITER!” Bubba Ray Dudley runs our and evens up the score. Pairing Flair with HHH is nothing but even more HHH ass kissing and *gasp* I don’t like it.

Bubba Ray is caught up by Coachman and he shoots, saying that he can’t stand to see HHH and hear HHH again. SHOOT~! He doesn’t want to sit through a HHH promo ever again and that this isn’t The HHH Show. Amen to that, Bubba. Bischoff then makes the main event for RAW tonight as RVD & Bubba vs. HHH & Flair.

Match #4
WWE Intercontinetal Championship
Chris Jericho vs. Goldust
REFEREE: Chad Patton
Goldust has a chance here to win his 4th I-C Title. Fozzy Sucks chants. J.R. and King reminisce about the Backlot Brawl with Goldust and Piper and HBK flying down from the ceiling. Goldust goes for the golden globes, ref gets in the way, Jericho hits a flying enziguri, and applies the Walls of Jericho for the successful title defense. Would it have been this hard to do stuff like this while Jericho had a certain other title?
Winner and STILL Intercontinental Champion: Chris Jericho

UP NEXT: Kane & Justin Credible’s shadow vs. Lance Storm & Christian

Match #5
WWE Tag Team Championship
Lance Storm & Christian vs. Kane & The Hurricane
REFEREE: Nick Patrick
I’ll tell you what, and I’m not being sarcastic, I actually liked that one. It makes sense too! Kane…and HurriKane! I really REALLY like this combo. So, it looks as if The Hurricane is another one of those “pre-deadline” acquisitions that Bischoff made. Bwhaha, yes. S_D is loving it. Test is conspicuous by his absence. Still, keep in mind, Kane beat both of these guys by himself a couple weeks ago. Test comes out and Regal nails Kane with a tag belt, but to no avail. Nick Patrick throws out Test and Regal. Lance accidentally hits Christian with a single-leg dropkick and Kane and Hurricane hit dual choke slams and we have new tag champs. Good stuff. I’m just glad the belts are off UnOriginals, but this Kane\Hurricane combo could really produce some fun.
Winners and NEW WWE Tag Champs: Kane & The Hurricane.

McRibs is in the back with The Hurricane and asks why Hurricane was chosen. “We both wear masks, and we use chokeslams.” WAZUPWIDAT?? Kane jumps in and the humor ensues. My recap can’t even do it justice. Just go watch it!

Match #6
Booker T. vs. Rico
REFEREE: Charles Robinson
Total squash here. Spinaroonie, axe kick, bye bye. Since this match didn’t even go 3 Minutes, they come out to attack Booker T. They flatten him and Goldust comes out and knocks everyone out but Rico. He sets of Rico for the Golden Globes and nails it. Then Goldust gets nailed with a foot. And they flatten Goldust.

Bischoff catches up with a battered Booker and Goldust. Bischoff announces that next week GoldBook will fight the Evil Samoan Watches next week.

Bubba and RVD are backstage and RVD cuts his first real serious promo. Folks. When RVD captures the talking part, he’s gonna be unstoppable. EWW, I sound like J.R. now.

Match #7
Triple H & Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Bubba Ray Dudley
REFEREE: Earl Hebner
The crowd is dead, and rightfully so. IT’S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!…AND IT ORDER TO PLAY A GAME WE HAVE TO CHANGE WHAT’S ON THE T.V. RIGHT NOW WHICH REALLY SOUNDS GOOD TO ME! I wish, but I only do this for YOU people! Match is boring as hell, which is no surprise considering HHH is in it. Flair gets a rollup for the 3 count. After the match, Bubba gets the upper hand again and tries to powerbomb HHH through the table, but he “completely misses” and HHH goes flying off the side in a sick bump. Bubba should get a pay raise and the WWE Title for doing that. They then have to improvise and RVD legdrops HHH through the table to leave the air. I love botched spots that aren’t supposed to be shoots.
Winners: Triple H (shocking, eh?) & Ric Flair

ALL IN ALL this show was a toss up between good and bad. A lot of the skits and stuff were pretty bad, but some of the wrestling was passible. Time to look forward to SmackDown!

S_D, EFNet #wrestling

©2002, WrestlingDB.

Last Edited: Monday, September 23rd, 2002 - 11:24 pm EDT