Opinion by S_D

WWE Velocity

September 28, 2002

TAPED from San Diego, California @ The San Diego Sports Arena

Your hosts are Tazz & Marc Loyd! NO MICHAEL COLE!!!

It came to my attention yesterday by reading the Ross Report that Velocity will no longer be graced by the jobbing skills of Mike Awesome anymore, as he has been given his 90-day notice for his release. Yes WWE, Mike Awesome, a man who is world-renowned for his high flying ability for a man of his 292 frame, was a great place to start trimming the roster-saturation from the WWE. I mean, who needs high flying crap when we can have slow, plodding excitement like Albert, Mark Henry, and The Big Show? Wow, this show hasn’t even started and this show’s FUCK YOU Award already has a recipient: WWE.

Match #1
Billy Kidman vs. Crash Holly
REFEREE: Jimmy Korderas
No one cares about Kidman. Everyone laughs at Crash’s goofiness. You know, RAW really has sucked balls since Crash left. He could make a case. Crash hits an AWESOME power bomb on the fan barricade outside the ring. Just awesome. And to think Kidman wrestled on PPV 3 months ago. Crash bores the crowd with a Steiner Recliner. Kidman hits the D-Lo rip off for 2. Kidman nails a very nice enzeguri. Billy goes up for a shooting star and Crash knocks him off. Hah, you really thought Kidman would break out that move on a B-show? NEVAR! Crash hits the Crash “I swear I didn’t steal this from AJ Styles” Landing for the 3 count. Wow, it’s so amazing that WWE completely ruined these two guys’ characters to the point where they could put on a Benoit\Angle caliber match and get boring chants. Not that this match was Angle\Benoit or anything.
Winner: Crash Holly

In what seems like the 48674386747th time, the bait-and-switch HLA crap gets recapped. I swear to God, if I ever see Rikishi in women’s underwear again, I will fly to Stamford and shoot whoever writes this crap in the face. And then Vince Russo, just because he started junk like this.

Recap of Edge vs. Eddie from SmackDown! Awesome AWESOME match. Ever want a reason why SmackDown! kills RAW’s damned ass? Watch this, and then watch Angle\Benoit\Mysterio from this same show.

Oh great, we go from great to awful as we’ll get a recap of that epic UT squash of Matt Hardy. It should be noted that UT gets an honorable mention for this show’s FUCK YOU award. Why? Because he’s UT, and UT sucks ass.

Recap of the WrestleMania XIX from Seattle, Washington. RVD gets butt sweat in a match and armpit sweat in a press conference. Jericho asks if everyone is excited about WM coming to Seattle. We all know Jericho is because Seattle is very very close to Redmond where Jericho’s best friend Scott Batura lives.

Match #2
Shannon Moore vs. Doug Basham
REFEREE: Brian Hebner
According to spoilers, someone at WWE supremely screwed up and played Val Venis’ entire entrance when he came out, as was visible in the edit. Basham has two things not working for him: 1) A bald spot, and 2) a very strong resemblance to Erik Watts. Wow, this match is brutal. And the fans are letting them know it. But hey, Tazz mentions OVW. And 85% of the audience says “WTF is that”. Moore starts to turn it up near mid-match. Basham hits an innovating leg-clothesline which Loyd and Tazz call it a “leg line”. Shannon gets the win with the Halo. For some reason, ever since his debut, Shannon has seemed really uncomfortable in the WWE. Here’s to hoping he finds his stride.
Winner: Shannon Moore.

LATER TONIGHT: John Cena vs. Reverend D-Von. Wahoo. Not.

Recap of Angle vs. Benoit vs. Rey from SmackDown! Read above.

Recap of the Lesnar\UT crap. Lesnar should just squash him next week and end this crap.

UP NEXT: John Cena vs. Reverend D-Von. Wahoo, part 2. Not, part 2.

Match #3
Reverend D-Von vs. John Cena
REFEREE: Mike Chioda
Loyd says D-Von is a bitter, angry man. Well, gee, I wonder why. Cena wears San Diego Charger colors to egg on the crowd to cheer for him. And to think, this guy pinned the first and longest-reigning Undisputed Champion, Chris Jericho, on PPV. And two months later, he’s a Velocity mainstay. Just like Rico pinning Ric Flair, and then jobbing to Booker T. the next week. Let’s just go on and call this WCW. Looks like the fans heard me, as the boring chants start. Cena gets a sunset flip and the duke. Yeah, I wonder why D-Von’s mad. D-Von lays on a post-match butt whipping just to confirm it.
Winner: John Cena

S_D, EFNet #Wrestling

©2002, WrestlingDB.