Recap by S_D

We open tonight to see week #2 of GTV, v2.0. Sorry, but GTV just has no Mattitude no matter what name you slap on it. RAW General Manager Eric Bischoff is pacing around his dressing room rewatching the hate-turned-lusty kiss that took place between him and SmackDown! General Manager Stephanie McMahon on SmackDown! last week. Bischoff watching himself make out with a girl? Hmmm, is this some joke about Bischoff liking to do himself? Hey, Brian F'N Pill--erm, Gewirtz wrote this show, you never know. And by the way, how the holy hell do you spell that idiot's last name? I've seen Gerwitz, Gerwertz, Gewertz, Gewirtz, etc. I've got a better spelling of his name: Bad Television Writer. Bischoff is freaking out because he knows he's going to get his ass kicked by a certain glass video game for desk humping Steph.

Meanwhile, Shawn Michaels arrives and finds out he's been forced to sacrifice all his little God t-shirts and to wear\shill his new t-shirt that says "HBK" on the front and on the back says "Don't hunt what you can't kill". Glad to see HBK is taking advantage of his shirts to get in some of those Christian P.S.A.s. Or something.

Match #1
3 Minute Warning vs. Bubba Ray Dudley & Jeff Hardy
Don't they know that it's supposed to be a two minute warning instead of three? But then again, maybe it's more Brian Gerwhatever humor that I don't understand. 3MW have some new, even crappier theme music. But at least they have Rico. You know, the guy who pinned Ric Flair clean a month ago. What? You forgot? So did the writers too apparently. What's with all the crappy theme music changes lately? Just don't sacrifice Booker T.'s (ICE ICE, COLD COLD) and I'll be cool. Does anyone care about Jeff Hardy anymore? Matt Hardy is on SmackDown! right now totally blowing everyone away. I've always thought of Matt to be the more complete wrestler of the two, but more attention was placed on Jeff because he was the more risky, not to mention idiotic, of the two. But now, the stars have fallen into place. Matt's finally getting rewarded for his patience and Jeff just sucks. Matt is one of the most entertaining wrestlers on both rosters right now, and is totally leaving Jeff in the dust. I couldn't be more happier. Spike, complete with taped ribs (tape sold seperately), comes out to attack Rico and then get his ass kicked. The match is your usual cookie cutter type tag-team match with Jamal hitting a Samoan Drop thingamibob for the win at 6:19. I'm really scared this whole scenario is going to lead up to a really boring 3 Minute Warning\Dudleys 2.0 match at Survivor Series. Bubba aids Jeff Hardy while completely ignoring his brother who lays dead outside the ring. Feel that brotherly love.
Winners: 3 Minute Warning

Meanwhile, Victoria and Ivory are backstage talking. According to WWE.Com, Ivory is one part of the "assortment of talent" that was traded from SmackDown! for The Big Show, but they conviently didn't mention it on television. You know, when WWE.Com of all things keeps up with continuity more than your damn television show, there are major problems. Victoria proceeds to do the whole psycho gimmick, except the only thing she got over was the fact that her hands must have really really itched because she kept rubbing them. Ivory's looking hot, by the way. It was announced that at Survivor Series, Trish Stratus will defend her World's Women's Championship against Victoria in a Hardcore Match. Oooooooh, I'm so buying it now. How much you want to bet we'll get no Cruiserweight matches? And Heat doesn't count.

Meanwhile, Trish Stratus walks to the ring for her upcoming title match with Ivory, while Sgt. Slaughter checks out her ass. YO JOE.

It is worth of note that during this commercial break, I saw an NWA:TNA commercial. I hope this keeps up and pisses off Vince.

Match #2
Non-Title Match
Trish Stratus vs. Ivory
I doubt anyone would have cared if this was a title match or not. And once again, this new theme music trend sucks. Trish seriously needs to go back to her old music because this new Lil' Kim crap is absolutely killing her pop. I'm sure Anthology could do with one less substance advertisement. Within the first minute of the match, Victoria comes out and sits with J.R. and Lawler. Sit her next to Ross, not Lawler. Lawler's bad enough during women's matches but now that he's got boobs sitting next to him, we can forget about taking this match seriously. But hey, it's women's wrestling, since when do we ever take it seriously? Someone needs to memo Vince about what Eric said about no one caring about women's wrestling being true to him. Victoria, digging in her bag of acting tricks, this time decides to play the put-on-the-headset-but-don't-say-a-word deal. Match gets lost in the shuffle and that's not a bad thing, that's a good thing (*TOOTH TWINKLE*) as this match was sloppy city. Trish gets the duke with a very poor bulldog of the top rope at 3:18. At least Ivory didn't sell it 10 seconds after Trish did it like some other diva I know. Afterwords, Trish and Victoria mouth off and Victoria slaps Lawler (!) and nails Trish point blank with her water bottle and they start brawling with referees coming out, seeing their chance to get cheap feels. Victoria gets points for that strike she threw right at Trish.
Winner: Trish Stratus

Meanwhile, footage of the New England Patriots at ringside is shown. Hey wait, I thought Vince hated the NFL and thought it was evil? Oh well, I guess Vince scrapped that new direction too.

Meanwhile, GTV v2.0 is at it again as we see Victoria entering a room where Terri is. It should be noted that there is a pink thong right in front of the camera. Why? Oh wait, Brian Gerfughiztsjufgafwsugvtws thinks it's funny. Right. Anyways, McRibs makes the mistake of calling Victoria crazy and Victoria, in her never ending bag of acting tricks, now turns into lesbian psycho as she attacks McRibs and rips all her clothes off. Right before Lawler can start verbally jacking off at the sight of McRibs' 37 year old saggy ass...

...It's time for another RNN update! Randy Orton himself appears and tells us that his shoulder is now up to 32% mobility, up 2% from last week! Wow, Randy's shoulder mobility is rising at the same rate that RAW's rating drops. Randy lets us know that he couldn't have made that progress without all the get-well wishes, and encourages us to keep them coming in at . Folks, this man is so awesome that his mouth doesn't even match his words! Seriously though, Randy, if handled correctly when he comes back (which is a definite long shot with Brian Gertgejdhpdjhpodhogishgposjgtposhgowitz running things), could be a MAJOR heel.

Meanwhile, Bischoff fires the guy who put the F-View camera in his own locker room. Hey, maybe Andrew McManus will try and hire him for the WWA just like he tried to do with Christian after he "quit". Triple H & Ric Flair arrive and they need to talk to Eric. Triple H starts his whining that HBK is a crazy man who's trying to convert him or something and wants the whole mess over with. Trips then accuses Bischoff of treating him like crap since Vince froze the contracts. Because we all know, getting handed a World Title without working for it is no way I would want to be treated. Hell no. HHH whines and bitches some more to the point where I don't care. Things pick back up where HHH steals Jericho's conspiracy theory gimmick and suggests that someone may be influencing him to treat him the way he does. Flair then plays the tape again of Steph and Bisch trading spit. Steph influencing Bischoff to give HHH a World Title? No way.

Match #3
Lance Storm & William Regal vs. Al Snow & Tommy Dreamer
Lance is in the starting point of cutting a promo on election day when ambulance sirens blare over the arena to a promo of Scott Steiner. Wow, didn't they do this exact same kind of buildup with Kane's return? Talk about originality. Once the promo is over, the fans are audibly upset that it was just a promo and not the debut. Yeah, that'll get them nice and open-minded to this match. Once again, Dreamer has new theme music which is crappier than his original. Why are Al and Tommy teaming? Weren't they just fighting weeks ago in cane matches? WARNING: Thinking too deep about WWE storylines is harmful to your health and can cause blood in your urine. Crowd remains dead silent in this match due to being pissed off about the Steiner tease and this match was not the thing to get anyone excited. Dreamer hits the Spicolli Driver on Storm, but Regal comes in and stiff kicks Dreamer in the mouth for the pin at 3:36. Who's idea was it for Storm to wear short tights? He looks so out of place and just flat out goofy in them.
Winners: Lance Storm & William Regal

Meanwhile, HBK asks somebody where Triple H's locker room is. Whether he had a Bible in his hand and a bucket of water in the other was not revealed. When HBK walks off, we see Batista coming down the hallway for his RAW debut, and apparently, WWE just remembered he had the first name "Dave".

Meanwhile, Stacy Keibler comes in with a box of mail while Test is femininely playing with his hair for some reason. Keibler attributes all the mail to her "Testicles" idea and begins to read the mail Letter #1 is a pervert talking about sex with Stacy. Some Test fan you are, sir! She then finds one talking about how a fan is going to start the first "Testicle Fan Club". We now know why Test was playing with his hair, because resident WWE makeup woman Julie comes in with a barber's apron. I guess Vince got his way.

Match #4
Justin Credible vs. Dave Batista
Justin on RAW? Wow, but he didn't even get an entrance here. I guess it's piss-on-former-ECW-champs night again. J.R. reminds us that Batista was not part of the Big Show trade because Bischoff signed him away before Vince froze the rosters, along with Randy Orton and The Hurricane. Batista comes in and totally annihilates Justin. Batista hits a stiff sitout powerbomb on Justin for the squash win at 1:24. Might as well rename him to Justin Hancement-Talent. Or hell, just call him Aldo Montoya again. And this was absolutely not what Batista needed for a debut match, as he did nothing to impress or electrify anybody. All he did was do typical power moves for a typical big man. He's no Lesnar. And he's still as green as my lawn.
Winner: Batista

Meanwhile, Triple H tells Ric Flair that he's sick of waiting for HBK and is going to the ring to call him out. Did we really need this segment? Hopefully, HBK knows better than to not be wandering around in parking lots during commercial breaks now.

Triple H comes out for another one of this boring, redunant promos that put me to sleep. And sure enough, this one didn't fail to reverse the refect of the No-Doz I took in prepartion of watching RAW. Well, at least the crappy mannequin screwing angle killed all of HHH's insta-heat, that's probably the only good thing that this whole crap produced. Triple H asks for Shawn Michaels, and instead gets Booker T. SUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Thank God. HHH goes into glass ceiling mode making all these stupid, played out insults to Booker. I mean, who the hell says, "you can't even hold my jock" these days? And I see it like this: If there is anyone out there who would want to even see if they could, Mr. Ceiling, they wouldn't have a job because they'd be too busy having "booking meetings" with Pat Patterson. Booker and HHH trade insults for a while before Booker pulls the trump card by digging out his old WCW catchphrase "Don't hate the playa, hate the game" out of the dustballs. And yes Booker, we all hate his guts. That cues Chris Jericho to add to the fun. Well, I don't know if it was fun, but it was certainly something weird. The crowd is so dead that Jericho practically has to beg them to chant "sucka", and it still doesn't work. Maybe they're pissed off they didn't get their quota of mannequin fucking? Anyways, Jericho proves he's Einstein reincarnated by holding up his index finger and saying, "I have more talent in my little finger than you do in your entire body". I bet HHH breathed a breath of relief when he heard that one. Jericho apparently informs us that tonight, T. stands for "trapped" as HHH and Jericho double-team Booker, until Kane runs out to make the save. I sure had no idea whatsoever that would happen, let me tell you. By the way, it should be noted the crowd is dead silent for Kane. Way to go Brian Gerweidhgdhbdoighbdiogvbhsdogihbsdpobjdphidcgbliucdghsdpogjkwitz, you are a genius as getting people over.

Meanwhile, Stacy tells Test off camera that his new haircut will make his Testicles grow. Ok, I'm having Brian Gerfkhjfpgjdogdhohijfohsiuhnsdsmksmfkowshfoihnsoiugsadiyufguygasuiorfhwauifgwiayfwsifhwbstogfhwasluf hwitz humor overload tonight. It's just so funny, I want to overdose on this No-Doz.

Match #5
The Hurricane vs. Test
Gotta love that pushing of young cruiserweight talent. Test comes out with his new doo, and it really doesn't look all that bad on him. Now, if we could just inject some goddamn talent and charisma in his body, then we'd be getting somewhere. New tights wouldn't hurt either. I heard the new theory for the new look-Test is that he doesn't look like a Kevin Nash clone. Well, now Test looks like an oversized Billy Gunn clone, which is not a good thing for push #5376. Crowd is dead, and rightfully so. This show is just boring, this match follows suit. Test steals Mike Sanders' 2.0 or Reno's Roll of the Dice, take your damn pick, for the win at 3:42. Stacy shoved her tongue in Test's mouth to get him to say "I love my testicles." This is absolutely going nowhere. By the way, Test's immunity runs out on November 18th, and guess what? 11\18 is a Monday. Test better step it up in two weeks before he finds himself taking part in 11\18's RAW is A SHOOT FIRING. Complete and utter waste of Shane Helms too, by the way.
Winner: Test

We get a little teaser of the Elimination Chamber. From what I could tell from the blueprints, it looks like a HIAC that shaped like a dome and has 4 little mini-cages in the corners to contain the 4 men that don't start the match. Seems interesting. Don't count on me ordering the show though.

A Chris Jericho desire video played. It was played to a song Saliva produced for the upcoming WWE Anthology 3-CD set calling "King Of My World". It should be noted that this song absolutely sucks ass and has no business being tagged along with Jericho. You'd think they'd be sensible and have Fozzy do an exclusive Anthology song. Saliva is already crapping up the promos for Survivor Series. They don't need to add Jericho's image to their "things we made look gay" resume.

Meanwhile, World Tag Team Champs (what, you forgot too?) Jericho and Christian are backstage being forced against their will to shill the crap we just watched. Y2J and Xian then proceed to jokingly argue with each other which is by the far the most entertaining part of this show. Christian calls Jericho a sucka and Jericho storms out of the room right into the view of GTV v2.0 along with Triple H and Flair. Jericho then proceeds to call HBK "The Has Been Kid" and makes jokes about Bischoff and Steph which makes The Game storm off to a phone to get Steph to suck off Brian Gergidgosngosadbgiadubgiusdbgvoidghbidcugbhicugvbhdc9gvbodocgbdciulhdcugbvdsoughdocghbdsiugbhdcugvbh wirtz to convince him to bury Jericho. Jericho, Flair, and Trips walk off while HBK pops up, revealing he was behind them the whole time. Power of God, man.

Match #6
Christian vs. Rob Van Dam
I'm still pissed off about WWE taking away Christian's pyro. If Christian has this heat for not wanting to cut his hair, do something that doesn't effect us. I mean, I know a lot of people who loved Christian's entrance for his pyro, and now, I guess we have to be punished for it too. And his singlet is just horrid too. Why give the man a title if he's got heat. Wait...a man with heat...getting a title...wow, RAW really is turning into WCW. Anyways, this match was nothing to write about as both men looked uninspired and just phoned it in, and rightfully so. RVD was the first thing to generate any sort of response since the damn RAW intro, so of course he will be rightfully ignored and unpushed. WWE style, it's the best! RVD gets the win with the ***** with looked more like a **½ for the win at 6:37.
Winner: Rob Van Dam

Christopher Nowinski comes out to his hometown. He is saddened to see that Boston has gone to hell since he left town. He can't believe his eyes that a town with so many institutes of higher learning can hold so many stupid people. Amen, Christopher. Nowinski cracks on the intelligence of all the people in the crowd didn't have enough heat to unfreeze Ted Williams' body. Hey guess what? This show doesn't have enough heat to set a goddamn bucket of gasoline on fire while holding 73 live matches right above it. However, even though this is cheap heat, at least Nowinski is trying his ass off to get something going. Al Snow, fresh off his big loss, comes out and Nowinski proceeded to dog him out and everything. I'm still waiting for Snow to try and order Nowinski to do 1,000 mountain climbers. He asked Al if he wanted to beat him up and Al said he knew somebody who would do a better job than that, and with that, Maven appears from the crowd and beats the hell out of his fellow Tough Enough alumni. Oh well, guess that whole Torrie Wilson\Tajiri feud didn't mean a thing. Apparently, Maven is also part of the "assortment" that was traded for Big Show. Anyone else guessing Bill DeMott jumps ship? Or better yet, anyone give a shit? Me neither.

Meanwhile, Goldust tries to ease up Kane by asking him to practice some breathing excercises. He then points out each detail of his breathing gimmick which has me rolling in tears. Kane doesn't agree though and pseudo-attacks Goldust before Booker comes by to calm things down. Booker then makes fun of the necrophilia thing and says, "man, who really does that anyway," to which Goldust discreetly raises his hand. Then he defends himself by goofily saying "aww come on, I was young and stupid!" Goldust has me totally cracking up and is entertaining the hell out of me, which is means for an automatic talent burial. Kane then tries his attempt at humor again with his own Suckaaaaaaa which gets no response because the crowd doesn't have a damn idea how to respond to him anymore. Neither do I, but I have a damn idea how to respond to mr. comic book fuck ass Brian Gerguhdgisdjngboadibghpodnjhodihbgpdihgodighdpgihdogluishdgpeasdhgoidhgioahgiuashbgpiawhguowasnbgiea opsdghopasihgpasoighbsaiodghwertz: You're an idiot.

Meanwhile, Shawn Michaels walks around even more backstage. His feet must be tired. Power of God.

Match #7
Triple H & Chris Jericho vs. Booker T. & Kane
Well, it's all about the glass! And how you shine it! I'm really not buying this Jericho\HHH team at all because I just can't suspend my disbelief to think that these two are actually coexisting. We all know that Triple H has just about everything but a death bounty on Jericho, so it's just not gonna work. But that's the price we pay for being smarks. And it also allows us to make fun of Triple H, which is always good therapy when you worry about how paranoid you are in your life and then you can look at this paranoid-ridden fool and feel a whole lot better about yourself. Once again, absolutely zero heat for Kane. I think this whole Katie Vick crap has completely ruined Kane to the point of no return. It's time to change things up for the man known as Glenn Jacobs. We all know he's not really burned and stuff, so quit jerking us around. Typical HHH main event, which means it's boring and it sucks. Triple H is about to hit Booker with The Glass Ceiling-igree when HBK runs out and hits HHH with Sweet Chin Music for the second week in a row for Booker to get the upset victory over the World Champion at 10:26. Well, at least we know one person who's not winning at Survivor Series. HBK then acts like the show's over and tells the crowd goodnight, which gets the biggest pop of the night. When the biggest pop of the night comes from someone telling them the show is over, things are seriously w-r-o-n-g. HBK then tells everyone he's not done, much to the audible groan of the crowd who just wants to get out. HBK tells everyone he's in the Elimination Chamber and will become the next World Heavyweight Champion and J.R. sells it like the most shocking thing to ever happen since the invention of the automobile. All of HBK's talking was met with silence because the crowd just didn't care at all about anything, and rightfully so; they weren't given anything to care about.
Winners: Booker T. & Kane