Recap by S_D

We open the show with GTV v2.0 viewing Shawn Michaels reading The Heaven Daily Times.

It should be noted that the picture of Bischoff has been taken out of the RAW intro.

Match #1
RAW Tag Team Title Match
Chris Jericho & Christian (c) vs. Kane & Rob Van Dam
The crowd tonight in Cincinatti is red hot, as they popped and jeered accordingly huge for all three entrances. Even necrosex man Kane got a huge reaction. Jericho is now officially using "King Of My World" by Saliva as his new theme music, much to my disappointment. Maybe he'll go back to normal when the Anthology promotion dies down. Match is very fast paced and the crowd is 100% alive for it. RVD hits an AMAZING ***** Frog Splash where both Christian and Kane were laid out, and RVD jumped over Kane and landed on Christian. RVD had his game on tonight, as did the other three men. Kane goes for the cover after RVD's ***** and Jericho runs in and blasts Kane with the chair for the DQ at 9:15. Absolutely hot match to get RAW off on a good start, which has been very rare since around SummerSlam. But then again, anything good has been gone from RAW since SummerSlam. Would have been better to payoff such a good match with a clean finish instead of the stupid DQ. Jericho then proceeds to totally annihilate Kane and RVD with the chair.
Winners: Kane & RVD by DQ

Meanwhile, The RAW Tag Team Champs meet up with Terri, who acts like her opinion means anything by chastising Jericho, "What do you think you're doing?" Jericho then tells McRibs that he was showing the dominance he will have this Sunday in the Elimination Chamber. Christian then reveals that if any of the 6 men get injured before Sunday, Bischoff told him he would be the official substitute and he would go as far as to beat his own partner to become the World Heavyweight Champion. Jericho then comes back and nails his partner with the chair for good measure. He should have clocked McRibs while he was on a roll.

Meanwhile, Mild-mannered reporter for the Daily Globe Gregory Helms is talking with Booker T. Booker says he's been, "Doin' more thinkin' than Abraham Lincoln," when Goldust appears on the scene. He asks, "What's gold and green and has victory written all over it?" Hmmm, let me guess, a bowl of macaroni that won a macaroni contest in 1987? Yes, it's true, it doesn't exist...anymore after Big Show found out about it. Goldust then answers the team of himself and The Hurricane when they face Test and Steven Richards. He proclaims that his "golden globes" are bigger than Test's testicles. This "testicle" stuff is really dumb and if they think it's the answer to Test's un-overness, their in for a rude awakening.

Match #2
Jeff Hardy vs. Lance Storm
Jeff is just getting weirder and weirder every week. It's really getting scary, and by the looks of his pants, it looks like HBK's been clearing out his closet and Jeff's been snooping through his trash. Anyways, match is actually watchable, except for one point when Jeff totally screws up the Railrunner. However, I must defend Jeff here as two factors kept him from doing the move: 1) The fans didn't move away like they were supposed to, and 2) The idiot security guard didn't move and risked getting the crap kicked out of his head if Jeff didn't have mercy. Regal attempts to interfere when Tommy Dreamer runs out and makes the save for Jeff to hit Lance with the Swanton for the duke at 5:15. Poor Lance. Fine match, though.
Winner: Jeff Hardy

Meanwhile, Bischoff plays a tape of last week's F-View of Victoria, being in psycho-lesbian mode remember, stripping Terri. Bischoff laughs about it and Terri comes in. Bischoff thought it would be a good idea for McRibs to get some revenge so he booked a match vs. Victoria tonight. However, I don't think it is a good idea. During this whole ordeal, Victoria is seen walking to the ring. McRibs refuses to take the match and Bischoff said if she didn't want to wrestle, she had two options: 1) Talk Victoria out of fighting or 2) Tell her daughter Dakota there won't be a Christmas this year because her mom got fired. Better yet, Bischoff should get Randy "Pee Wee" Anderson's kids to tell McRibs that she's fired.

We come back from break to see Victoria in the ring and McRibs coming down to the ring with the old Lita music. McRibs verbally puts over Victoria, and she responds by calling off the match. Victoria looks like her acting skills were inspired by Stephanie McMahon. And that is nowhere near a compliment. But instead of letting McRibs leave the ring, she beats the holy hell out of her. Trish Stratus waits until Terri is fricking near-death until finally coming out to make the save. Victoria's cool when she keeps her mouth shut and bends over a lot on those pants she wore.

Meanwhile, Dave Batista is walking when Flair meets up with him. Flair basically sucks up to him while Batista gives him the silent treatment, Flair incinuates that Batista may be bigger than HHH, and to which I say Batista better hope HHH was too busy with his windex to watch that promo.

Match #3
D'Lo Brown vs. Dave Batista
Once again, total squash. And once again, not what Batista needs. The same old boring power stuff and Lex Luger screaming will not get you over no matter how good your body looks. J.R. mentions that D'Lo was the first guy to unify the Intercontinental and European titles. I thought Kurt said he didn't count? Anyways, Batista hits Brown with the sitout powerbomb for the squash at 1:33.
Winner: Dave Batista

Shawn Michaels comes to the ring and gives a face promo much like HHH gives a heel promo. In other words, really really boring. He babbles about God and blah blah blah. He claims he's not HBK anymore, yet he wears a shirt that says "HBK". Way to go. Did someone say God? They must have because HHH comes out. HHH claims that in this arena, he is God. Wow, Cincinatti's God is HHH? Remind me never to go there. The city's probably made of glass. HHH and HBK decide to go on and fight and HBK gets totally destroyed and nailed with The Pedigree. HHH goes for Sledgy but a mass of referees and road agents hold HHH back. Wait, did I just say hold HHH back?

Match #4
Bubba Ray Dudley & Spike Dudley vs. 3 Minute Warning
Jeff Hardy is with The Dudleys and Rico is with The Warning. J.R. announces that a 6 Man Table Elimination Match has been signed for Survivor Series with Bubba, Spike, & Jeff Hardy vs. The Warning & Rico. I'm soooo buying it now. Not. Pretty short match, thank Trip--erm, God. Bubba, who by the way looks slim and trim next the Samoans, gets nailed with the Samoan Drop Thingamabob for the mini-squash at 2:50. Jeff tries to make the save post-match, but he and Spike end up going through a table. At least it was under...three minutes. Bwahahaha.
Winners: 3 Minute Warning

Match #5
Christopher Nowinski vs. Al Snow
Nowinski comes out and turns face then back heel on the Cincinatti crowd by mentioning Pete Rose. Hell, since Rose and WWE are on such good terms, let's sign Nowinski vs. Rose for Survivor Series with Kane as the referee. It'd be a hell of a lot more entertaining than the damn table match, that's for sure. Snow comes out for the match. Another very very short match. Nowinski hits a cross body on his trainer and gets the pinfall at 1:32 with his feet on the ropes. Post-match, Nowinski started pounding Snow with the book of Charles Dickens when Maven makes the save and throws the two worst punches I've ever seen in my life. I always liked Nowinski more than Maven on the original Tough Enough. This shows you why.
Winner: Christopher Nowinski

Eric Bischoff comes out, airs a promo for the Elimination Chamber and then explains the rules. Two of the six men will be chosen by random to start off the match, while the four unchosen men will be locked into cells. Then, in whatever order the next four are to enter, a participant will be added every 5 minutes. Eliminations can not occur until all six men have been unleashed into the chamber. Sounds like a fun match. We'll see how it does.

Meanwhile, GTV v2.0 catches up with Stacy Keibler and Steven Richards. Steven asks for some motivation for tonight's match in the form of cane shots to the ass from Stacy. Steven isn't looking and Test takes the cane and blasts Richards across the ass. Stacy then seemingly gets turned on and bends over and asks for some lashings, when we get a...

RNN NEWS UPDATE!!! Randy Orton has some not-so-postive news for us as he announces that his arm sling has been causing some very uncomfortable skin chafing! And he got an infection from it! No! But he has a new sling with state-of-the-art padding to keep this vile act from ever happening again, so he is A-OK. We are to presume that his arm is still at 32% rotation due to the fact that nothing was said about it. Keep those get well e-mails pouring in at .

Trish is in a WWE Anthology commercial and shills her new crappy theme song by talking about how she "feels it" when she hears it in the arena. The crowd feels it too--the want to be silent and not care whenever they hear this crap start playing. I can't say I blame them.

Match #6
Test & Steven Richards vs. Goldust & The Hurricane
Steven comes out holding his sore ass from the cane shot. Stacy is looking ever so hot in that incredibly short and low-cut jean skirt she has on. Yet another short match, which proves that something probably ran way too long earlier (HHH & HBK hogging airtime? No way. Not those two.) Hurricane goes for the Chokeslam and Test reverses by rolling the dice for the win at 2:14. Steven celebrates by throwing himself all over Stacy, and Test no-like so he kicks the crap out of Steven's...hand, totally missing his face. Test then sternly warns Steven to not touch his testicles. Hey Brian Gerwhatever, am I supposed to be finding this funny? Because I'm finding it really dumb and stupid. Test's 1 year immunity runs out next Monday, keep in mind.
Winners: Test & Steven Richards

Meanwhile, Booker T. catches up with HHH and Ric Flair. They insult each other which ultimately leads to HHH creatively flipping off Booker. HHH just made me laugh, should I be scared and go to a doctor?

Match #7
Non-Title Match
Booker T. vs. Triple H
These two met earlier in the year in probably HHH's 3rd TV match back from the quad injury, with Booker actually getting the pinfall thanks to botched interference from HHH's-then wife Stephanie McMahon. This match, just like the past 4, was incredibly short, considering it was a main event. Flair gets thrown in the match and while the ref is getting him out, HHH hits Booker with a low blow, Glass Ceiling-igree, goodbye at 5:14. Did that suprise you as much as it did me? It then becomes clusterfuck city as HBK hits the ring and superkicks Flair, which cues Jericho to run out and attack Michaels, which cues Kane and RVD to run out together to combat the heels. Things get mixed up between faces however as RVD accidentally kicks Kane in the mouth, Kane chokeslams RVD, and HBK superkicks Kane. It's down to HHH and HBK and the payoff is HBK nailing HHH with his own version of The Pedigree, which for any other wrestler would be grounds for firing. HBK stands tall on the pile until Jericho reappears out of nowhere and blasts HBK with the chair. RAW fades out with Jericho holding the chair over his head.
Winner: Triple H

All in all, this was a much better show than any of the crap they've put on since SummerSlam and did a good job making me remember there's a PPV this Sunday, unlike the subpar build up for Unforgiven and No Mercy. They also got away from some of the silly backstage stuff which just plagues the show week-in and week-out, and focused more on wrestling, as the great opening RAW Tag Title Match showed. I was also impressed that Jericho had the last word in the 6 man post-match brawl, instead of the token HHH or HBK stand-tall moment. This was a good show and it was what WWE needed for the RAW before a PPV. Thumbs up from me. I'm still not buying the SSeries though.

S_D

©WrestlingDB, 2002.