Recap by S_D

Let’s get into this week’s edition of WWE RAW coming at us live from Austin, Texas. They are in Austin. Austin. Austin. Now, is this unnecessary telegraphing or wacky foreshadowing? The two-hour six-minute duration of this show (or however long it takes you to read this depending on whether or not you’re still able to sit through RAW) will answer that question. Earlier in the afternoon, WWE.Com posted a preview on their website announcing a number one contender match for the World Heavyweight Championship featuring Triple H -v- Rob Van Dam with the winner presumably receiving a title shot against Shawn Michaels at Armageddon. Also, The Dudley Boys -v- 3 Minute Warning, and Chris Jericho -v- Booker T. Jericho versus Booker sure seemed to be the silver lining on his RAW, and, of course, the dark cloud is the obvious jobbing of RVD to The Game. I said in my Survivor Series recap: don’t believe the snuff HHH said on the company website, he’s going to get RVD back for injuring him. Here is the match-by-match of the show with my commentary and opinions following shortly thereafter.

• The Dudley Boys defeated 3 Minute Warning with the 3D. Bubba pins Rosey at 7:55.
• Trish Stratus defeated Ivory with The Stratusfaction at 4:12.
• Lance Storm & William Regal defeated Jeff Hardy & Tommy Dreamer. Regal pins Dreamer at 3:26.
• Dave Batista defeated The Hurricane with a sit-out powerbomb at 0:51.
• Chris Jericho fought Booker T. to a no-contest at 8:07.
*World Tag Team Championship*
• Chris Jericho & Christian defeated Booker T. & Goldust to retain the straps. Jericho pins Booker at 6:35.
*Non-Title Match*
• Jacqueline defeated Victoria with a spin-kick at 2:34.
*#1 Contenders Match\Special Referee: Shawn Michaels*
• Triple H defeated Rob Van Dam with a chair shot at 6:31.

COMMENTARY:
Dudleys\3MW: Typical cookie-cutter tag team booking here with the token Spike Dudley and Rico run-ins. It’s becoming painfully obvious as every week goes by why WWE kept 3MW from working matches and only doing run-ins for 2 months: they suck. I mean, the moves they performed in the run-ins were cool (although the run-ins themselves got really repetitive and predictable), but they just can’t work a match without getting blown up quickly. And thus, their matches suck. The only match they’ve had in WWE that has been able to watch was the tables match at Survivor Series, only because Rico was doing most of the work. And plus, Rico is absolutely being wasted in this role. Is this the best they can do for a guy who three months ago pinned Ric Flair clean? If it is, then the roster isn’t the only place in WWE that needs the crap weeded out. Spike Dudley isn’t being used worth a crap either. Why don’t they find some way to send Spike over to SmackDown and have him be a part of their cruiserweight division which is in sore need of actual cruiserweight talent?

Trish\Ivory: Same match they ran during Ivory’s big jump to RAW two months ago as part of the Big Show trade, and the match two months ago was sloppy crap. This wasn’t any different. Remember when we all said Trish was rapidly improving? Well, Trish’s improvement has kind of shot its wad, if I may be a disgusting pervert about it. Trish needs to go back to just being eye candy and quit using that awful Lil’ Kim music. It’s just putrid. I don’t know which theme is worse: Trish’s current or the dreaded X-Factor music. I’ll call it a tie. And while we are on the subject of going back to things, Ivory needs to go back to wearing the butthole pants.

Storm\Regal\Dreamer\Hardy: The creative team has switched up Jeff Hardy with so many people lately that no one cares anymore. I can’t decide who Storm and Regal are supposed to be feuding with. Tommy Dreamer is being completely wasted as well, but I guess that’s the common treatment for any former ECW star currently on the RAW roster. If you have been reading the Ross Report lately, you’ll know that J.R. has been unbelievably sucking up to Storm & Regal’s tag team prowess. And I ask, “Why?” They haven’t created or stirred one bit of interest ever since the breakup of the UnAmericans (and why the heck didn’t they turn Test & Christian face and have them fight Storm & Regal?) but it’s not their fault. There is no possible way they can be interesting if they are constantly being booked in 3 or 4 minute crap matches and are being booked inconsistently with certain people. Why can’t the creative team be organized about this kind of stuff? Is it really that hard to sit down and say, “Jeez, I think we need to have Jeff Hardy consistently tag with only one person instead of whoring him out to Dreamer, Hurricane, and Goldust every week, right?” I guess it is when your name is Brian Gewirtz.

Batista\Hurricane: Just like before, there’s no way Batista can impress when he’s being booked in matches less than two minutes. Squashes worked in the 80s; they don’t in the 2000 era. Uncharismatic power alone just doesn’t interest anyone anymore. If it did, Batista would be blowing the roof off the place while people sat on their thumbs for Rob Van Dam. And poor Hurricane, what the heck was the point of bringing him to RAW out of the cruiserweight division on SmackDown where he was thriving? For a hotshot, two-week tag title reign with Kane? Or is it just because his name sounds funny next to Kane? Come on; find him a way back on SmackDown please. And just to let you know how much continuity is emphasized in WWE’s writing, it took me a couple minutes to remember that Kane and Hurricane were once partners, let alone former Tag Champions. That’s pretty sad when it takes ME a couple minutes to remember something like that, especially about a current-day storyline. A Kane\Batista match would be worthless for Armageddon. Why? Because two weeks ago, they had Batista squash Kane in 3 minutes. This asinine booking is fun to point out. It makes for great column material.

Jericho\Christian\Booker\Goldust: A great singles match turned into an even-greater tag team match that was a fun mix of wrestling and sports entertainment. The crowd was red hot for this match when it was morphed into a tag title match, and it’s rare nowadays for a crowd to be hot about anything on RAW. However, Booker just seems to be HHHaving bad luck in Texas, as every time they go there, he gets beaten. It’s amazing how the crowd got into it, and then just went silent when Jericho got the pin. It’s almost like, “Man, why did we even start giving them a chance to do something right?” How many more times are they going to job out Booker and Goldust in tag title matches before they actually win the straps, if they ever do? They lost at Summerslam, Unforgiven, and countless times on RAW. The fans are eventually not going to care at a certain point, and if they ever get the gold, no one will care because they’ll expect them to lose them immediately because they’ve been made to look so weak. And notice how no more hilarious Booker\Goldust promos appear anymore? It’s not because they started getting stale, tHHHey just magically disappeared. It’s very strange, yes? And also, Jericho & Christian have been consistently cranking out awesome matches every week and are constantly the high point of RAW. So naturally, expect them to job the belts to 3 Minute Warning immediately. And the Chief of Staff Sean Morley angle is really pissing me off because they aren’t being consistent enough with it. It’s a good idea, but if you are going to do this “no bullcrap during matches” angle, do it in EVERY match and not just here and there.

Jacqueline\Victoria: Ok, ok, ok, who was the moron that decided to book TWO women’s matches? I’m looking at you Brian Gewirtz. I think it’s about time the women get shifted back to where they should be in the WWE capacity: T&A roles. I’m not sexist or anything, it’s just that it’s been proven that the fans couldn’t give two craps and a cup of monkey piss (©Rock, 1999.) about women’s wrestling, just like our friend Uncle Eric said a couple months ago. I can’t honestly ever remember watching a WWE women’s match since the title was brought back in November 1998 and saying to myself, “Wow, what an awesome match. I want to see more of this.” Victoria and her awesome finisher now called “The Widow’s Peak” is the closest I’ve ever come to wanting to see more, but it takes two to tango. And also, what the frick was WWE thinking putting Jacqueline over in this match? It was bad enough when Lilian announced her from Texas and paused for the expected cheap pop and all that was heard was dead silence. And then, they jobbed Victoria to her in 2 minutes to the sound of silence. Now, let me get this straight: They will put Jacqueline, who hasn’t been seen on RAW since July, is not and never will be over, over the champion of the division just because they are in her hometown…and they won’t let Booker T. get at least one win in Texas over anyone? That’s just atrocious. I wonder WHHHy that is? Why would they fire Tori and keep Jacqueline? At least people once cared about Tori. And Tori’s face doesn’t look like dog crap either.

HHH\RVD: Wow, did the end result shock you as much as it shocked me? I didn’t think so. Just as Dave Meltzer pointed out on Tuesday, the booking in this match was absolutely dimwitted and just downright stupid. I’m just repeating what Meltzer said so this is credited to him for originally pointing out. Usually in special guest referee matches, if the referee isn’t going to be unbiased, it’s usually going to be a heel referee helping a heel. But instead, HHH has to use his seemingly never-ending politics to make himself look like Superman and make everyone else look like bush league crap. RVD can’t even beat with HHH with the help of THE REFEREE. He’s made to look like a supreme loser while HHH reigns supreme again in yet another boring, dung-quality match under the belt of HHH since his return from the injury. I was hoping for RVD to completely crush HHH’s throat to finish the job, but I guess that’s just too wishful. I recently watched Triple H: The Game again because I needed help going to sleep (and trust me, a cure for insomnia is the only good use HHH has), and during the video he said, and I quote, “If I can’t come back to that ring after this injury, and be of the exact same quality I was when I got hurt, then I need to pack it up and get out.” Break out the suitcase, bud. And after the match, where did RVD go to? Of course, he faded away into nothing as the attention was placed back on those up-and-coming new and fresh superstars HHH and HBK.

OTHER STUFF:
They seemed to be building to a Dudleys\Jericho\Christian feud due to the past two weeks of television. The attack was well done this week with only one problem: they did the attack during the commercial break and instead just filled a segment with Bubba and D-Von pretending like they were watching a HHH match: lying on the ground unconscious.

Right before Bischoff got in HHH’s face, he made sure to clearly state that he respected him. I’m sure Morley was off camera saying to himself, “I don’t.” This is where they announced the special referee stipulation for the match, which took all of 3 seconds to figure out. Hey, remember when Ric Flair used to talk?

Victoria and Jacqueline got into it, further extending that “Victoria is psycho because of women” thing. In sad news, she didn’t lick anyone this week. And hey, whatever happened to that huge feud with Trish that supposedly temporarily ruined her life? Glad to see that it only takes her two months to recover from years of problems. And who says she’s psycho? Also, it looks like her alliance with Steven Richards is cemented, now that they both got killed by Scott Steiner.

Ric Flair told Dave Batista that he had everything it took to be the biggest superstar he ever wanted to be. He must be banging Stephanie too.

GTV v2.0 returned from its mysterious hiatus last week and showed us Stacy and Test making out on a couch. Stacy said she had a new marketing idea for him whilst Test shoved his tongue in Stacy’s ear. He’s a little slow, kids, he’s never made out with a girl before, so he still has to earn where to put what. The new marketing idea has to be Andrew Martin’s “Martinis”. The World can already smell the money.

Apparently, Stephanie’s new negotiating table is her bedroom, because apparently she’s going to give it up to Steiner so he’ll sign with SmackDown. I wonder if she learned business from Linda. As if it isn’t so obvious that Steiner is going to make Stephanie look like an idiot after he gets his vagina and sign with RAW. Hopefully, it will lead to Stephanie getting depressed and Shane taking over her spot.

RNN was interrupted by a breaking news story. And that breaking news story was what you ask? HHH wandering the halls looking for his steroid butt syringe, and found HBK. At least he found what he was looking for.

OVERALL:
Best match honors go to the Jericho\Christian\Booker\Goldust combo. Worst match is a tie between the women’s matches, with Batista\Hurricane coming in at a close second. This was yet another boring show with a boring main event. Can we go back to no Triple H please?

S_D

©2002, WrestlingDB.

Last Edited: Friday, December 6th, 2002 - 01:19 am EST